9/5/2023 Belen, NM – The city council of Belen voted unanimously this week to remove the controversial roundabout intersection in the center of downtown, citing ongoing confusion and traffic issues caused by the circular road.

“We gave the roundabout a try, but clearly it was just too confusing for Belen drivers,” said Mayor Robert Noblin. “People simply could not figure out how to navigate through it properly, resulting in fender benders and road rage incidents.”

In place of the roundabout, the city will now implement a novel new traffic solution – regular old perpendicular streets arranged in a square shape.

“We’re calling it the ‘Town Square’ – it’s a really innovative concept that we think will make downtown driving straightforward again,” explained Mayor Noblin.

The city even commissioned a special new sign to mark the Town Square, which seems to be just a regular green traffic sign labeled “Town Square” in black letters.

Early reactions to the Town Square idea have been positive, with many locals expressing relief. “I never did understand how to drive in that circle thing,” said resident Jane Montgomery. “Just having normal streets again will be so much less confusing.”

Engineers say demolition of the roundabout could begin as early as next week, and construction of the Town Square is expected to be completed by the end of the year. According to projections, traffic flow will improve by over 50% thanks to the revolutionary new square shaped roads.

“That circle intersection thingamajig always made me dizzy trying to get through it. I’d end up going around 3 or 4 times before finally getting to the exit I wanted,” said Hank Hill, a Belen resident.

“One time I got stuck in the roundabout for over an hour just looping continuously because I missed my turn off. It was like I was trapped in a never ending traffic circle of doom,” recalled resident Lisa Simpson.

“I don’t understand why they built a giant spinning wheel in the middle of our town. Just let me drive in straight lines like a normal person!” exclaimed Peter Griffin, who infamously got into a shouting match with another driver who was trying to correctly yield at the roundabout entry.

“That circular intersection was just a hot mess. Half the time I’d see drivers going the wrong way around it. I even witnessed some poor soul attempt a U-turn from the inner lane once,” noted resident Stan Stephenson.

City officials are hopeful that the new Town Square design will eliminate such issues. “With its 90 degree angles and familiar four way stop signs and stoplights, we’re confident Belen motorists can handle navigating this revolutionary square shaped road system,” Mayor Noblin stated.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credits: Microsoft Chat AI