08/28/2023 New Haven, CT – A group of Yale University students held a “welcome back to school” protest today demanding the school offer a new major in “Zombie Studies” for students who role play as zombies.

“For too long, zombie students have been marginalized on campus,” said protest leader Amanda Rottingham. “We demand Yale create a safe space where we can freely express ourselves and shamble around campus groaning for brains.”

Rottingham said that in the new Zombie Studies major, students would take courses such as “Advanced Decomposition,” “Moaning 101,” and “Brain-Eating Techniques.” An on-campus cemetery would provide a place for zombie students to sleep during the day.

The protesting students also demanded Yale build a zombie war simulation arena where zombie students could act out battles against human students armed with Nerf guns.

“The zombie wars will help facilitate understanding between the living and the undead,” explained Rottingham. “We envision a future where zombies and humans can coexist in shambling harmony.”

Yale administrators have not yet commented publicly on the zombies’ demands. However, inside sources say the school is concerned the Zombie Studies major would harm Yale’s reputation as a prestigious university.

The protesting zombies say they won’t rest until their demands are met. They plan to continue shambling around campus groaning and holding signs saying “Zombie Rights Matter!” and “End Zombie Discrimination Now!”

BY BS

The Journalist BS