8/25/2023 Milwaukee – In a rare moment of unity at the contentious GOP primary debate Wednesday, all candidates agreed they would vote for a Republican nominee for president even if the nominee was a criminal who almost drove the country to complete destruction, as long as it meant defeating the Democratic candidate.

“Look, if the choice is between a lawless Republican who wants to undermine democracy just to own the libs, or a boring Democrat who believes in following rules, you bet I’m voting Republican every time,” said former Vice President Mike Pence to thunderous applause.

The debate moderator asked the candidates to clarify if they were saying they would support a Republican nominee even if the candidate had committed federal crimes, abused his power for personal gain, cozied up to dictators, and tried to overturn a legitimate election.

“Of course, absolutely,” they responded in unison.

“As long as it triggers those whiny Democrats, I don’t care if they are funneling taxpayer money into their own businesses while kids are locked in cages at the border,” said Ron DeSantis. “The suffering of millions is a small price to pay to see liberal heads explode.”

The candidates went on to agree that no crime was too great, no abuse of power too obscene, if it meant Democrats lost.

“If the choice is destroying our democracy just to make liberals cry, or preserving our democratic institutions under Democratic leadership, I’m handing the matches to the Republican arsonist every time,” summarized Nikki Haley succinctly.

Political analysts noted this may be the only issue all GOP candidates could agree on during the contentious debates that otherwise featured constant personal attacks and infighting.

BY BS

The Journalist BS