8/23/2023 New York City – Mayor Eric Adams is pleading with city residents to stop giving directions to Subway restaurants when tourists ask for directions to subway stations.

“It’s a serious problem,” Adams said in a press conference today. “Tourists are coming to New York City, they’re asking for directions to the subway, and people are sending them to Subway restaurants. It’s not funny, it’s not cute, it’s costing us tourism dollars.”

Adams said that the city has received numerous complaints from tourists who have been sent to Subway restaurants instead of subway stations. “We’ve had people who have missed their flights, missed their trains, and even gotten lost in the city because they were sent to the wrong place,” he said.

Adams is asking New Yorkers to be more mindful when giving directions to tourists. “If someone asks you for directions to the subway, please point them in the right direction,” he said. “Don’t send them to a Subway restaurant. They weren’t asking for a footlong.”

The mayor’s plea has been met with mixed reactions. Some people have praised Adams for his efforts to protect tourists, while others have accused him of being humorless.

“This is great,” said one resident. “I heard a guy send a tourist to Subway on purpose and then yell at him to ‘Eat Fresh’. C’mon! The visitor had luggage in tow and needed transportation.”

“The mayor needs to lighten up,” said another. “It’s not like anyone is getting hurt.”

Despite the mixed reactions, Adams is determined to get his message across. “I’m not going to back down,” he said. “I’m going to keep fighting to protect our tourists.”

Adams announced that the city will launch an educational campaign to teach tourists the difference between subs and subways. Posters will be placed around town with helpful hints like “Subways will not satisfy your hunger!” and “Do not eat the Metrocard.”

Additionally, undercover police officers will be stationed near tourist attractions to monitor locals for signs of Subway trickery. Anyone caught deceiving tourists will be fined $500 and sentenced to eat nothing but Subway sandwiches for a week straight.

Adams is confident that the campaign will be successful. “We’re going to make sure that tourists know where to go when they’re in New York City,” he said. “They’re not going to get lost, and they’re not going to end up at a Subway restaurant.”

The mayor then concluded the press conference by leading reporters in a chant of “Subs are food, trains take you places!” He vowed not to rest until every tourist is able to easily locate the subway without being offered so much as a bag of Lay’s potato chips along the way.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credits: Microsoft Chat AI