8/7/2023 Paris – The International Olympic Committee has approved the addition of a new verbal sparring event for the 2024 Paris Games: the “Karenathlon,” in which athletes will square off in heated debates advocating for entitled, first-world problems.

“We’re excited to showcase the world’s top Karens vying for the gold medal in petty grievances,” said IOC president Thomas Bach. “Over 500 athletes have already registered for Karenathlon qualifying events in the US alone.”

During 60-second exchanges, competitors will be given mundane scenarios – a lukewarm latte, a grocery clerk unwilling to accept an expired coupon, a postman placing mail in the slot instead of the door. Athletes must then launch into entitled Karen-style complaints, scored from 1 to 10 by judges.

Scoring is based on conveying privilege, indignation and laughable self-importance. Deductions occur for empathy, perspective and good manners. The highest scores go to calls for managers, threats of lawsuits, and demands to “speak to the CEO right now.”

Athletes undergo intense Karen training to prepare. Regimens include practicing hair flips in the mirror, eye rolls and condescending sighs. “We binge-watch viral Karen videos as examples,” explained US team member Becky Farenton, widely considered a Karenathlon favorite after her grocery store meltdown at trials went viral.

However, the event has garnered criticism from some real life Karens who argue the “Karen” stereotype promotes name-based discrimination.

“It’s unfair for our name to be associated with rude, entitled behavior,” said Karen Smith, head of the advocacy group Karens Against Defamation. “This mocking portrays all Karens as petty and hysterical, which promotes harmful stereotypes.”

Other Karens have threatened lawsuits and boycotts over the perceived mocking of their moniker. However, Olympic organizers defend the Karenathlon as “light-hearted competition” that does not intend to offend.

“We believe most reasonable people can distinguish between this competition and actual prejudice,” said one IOC spokesperson. “Plus, ratings show events like this draw huge audiences.”

Controversy aside, the hotly anticipated Karenathlon is expected to be one of the most talked about and watched events of the 2024 Olympics. Most fans are eagerly anticipating the complaint off. “It’s going to be the can’t miss Karen showdown of the century,” raved one Olympic viewer.

BY BS

The Journalist BS