6/14/2023 Washington DC – In a bizarre gesture of loyalty, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy presented former President Donald Trump with a Monopoly game “get out of jail free” card for his birthday today in a press conference. The card reveals McCarthy’s unconditional support for Trump, who is facing 37 federal charges in the mishandling of classified documents.

“Happy birthday, Mr. President. You are the greatest leader this country has ever seen. And don’t worry about that silly federal case. You have this card now. You can use it anytime you want. It’s better than a pardon. It’s a get out of jail free card!” McCarthy gushed as he handed over the card to Trump.

Trump smiled and thanked McCarthy for the card, “I’m not afraid of the case against me because I’ve done nothing wrong. It’s a witch hunt. I’m untouchable. I’m the best. I’m the smartest. I’m better than all dictators. I used a similar card before, when I paid off Stormy Daniels to keep quiet.”

“I’m glad you like it, sir. You deserve it. You have been treated so unfairly by the fake news media and the radical left. They are trying to destroy you and your legacy. But they can’t touch you now. You have the ultimate protection with this card!” McCarthy continued.

The gift was met with disbelief by reporters and critics, who pointed out that the card was from a board game and had no legal value. They asked McCarthy how he expected Trump to use the card in court, and whether he was serious or joking.

McCarthy nervously responded, “You don’t understand. The Federal Government often uses Monopoly money to increase the debt ceiling. We did so in the 2011 crisis and again this year. We use Monopoly money all the time to pay for our spending bills. It works great. No one ever complains. It makes sense we can use the get out of jail free card as well.”

Social media users mocked McCarthy and Trump for the gift, using hashtags like #MonopolyGate, #GetOutOfJailFreeCardFail, and #HappyBirthdayLoser. They also mentioned celebrities and politicians who had been jailed or indicted for various crimes, and asked if they could borrow the card from Trump.

• “@realDonaldTrump Can I borrow your get out of jail free card? I need it for my tax evasion case. Thanks bro! #MonopolyGate” tweeted @MichaelCohen212.
• “@realDonaldTrump Hey Donald, can you lend me your get out of jail free card? I have some issues with the FBI. Nothing serious, just some insurrection stuff. #GetOutOfJailFreeCardFail” tweeted @RudyGiuliani.
• “@realDonaldTrump Happy birthday, loser! Hope you enjoy your get out of jail free card while you can. Because it won’t save you from karma. Or from me. #HappyBirthdayLoser” tweeted @StormyDaniels.

President Joe Biden also weighed in on the gift, saying, “What a pathetic attempt by McCarthy to appease Trump and his base. Trump already used up his first get out of jail free card with the Stormy Daniels case, and now he is trying to use a second one for the classified documents case?”

“He thinks he can get away with anything. He thinks he’s above the law. He thinks he’s playing Monopoly with our democracy. But he’s wrong. He’s not playing Monopoly. He’s playing Russian roulette. And he’s running out of bullets. There are only two get out of jail free cards in this game. And he’s about to use the last one,” Biden said. “We won’t let him get away with that.”

BY BS

The Journalist BS