6/6/2023 Vienna – Saudi Arabia announced that it will lower its oil production to 9 million barrels a day in an attempt by OPEC to “shore up crude prices with the aim of supporting the stability and balance of oil markets.” However, insiders have learned that the real reason behind the move is to funnel the higher profits into a more diversified and prosperous economy as part of their Vision 2030 plan; specifically aimed at exporting more aluminum in the form of foil hats.

According to a leaked document, Saudi Arabia has devised a five-step plan for foil hat usage across the globe:

1. Promote foil hats as a fashionable accessory that can protect against harmful radiation, mind control, and alien abduction.
2. Distribute free foil hats to influencers, celebrities, and politicians who can endorse them on social media and public events.
3. Create a viral marketing campaign with catchy slogans, hashtags, and memes such as #FoilOnFleek, #ShineBrightLikeAFoilHat, and #MakeTheWorldAFoilPlace.
4. Establish a network of foil hat dealers and distributors who can sell them at a premium price to customers who are eager to join the trend.
5. Profit from the increased demand for aluminum and foil products, while also weakening the mental capabilities and critical thinking skills of the rest of the world.

The plan has been met with skepticism and ridicule from other countries, who have accused Saudi Arabia of being paranoid and delusional.

“Are they serious? Foil hats? What’s next, tin foil underwear?” said a spokesperson for the US State Department.

“This is a desperate attempt by Saudi Arabia to cling to their dwindling oil revenues and influence. They should focus on more pressing issues like human rights and democracy,” said a representative of the European Union.

“This is a clear violation of the international trade rules and norms. We will not tolerate any unfair competition or dumping of foil hats in our markets,” said Xi Jinping, the President of China.

Even some Saudi citizens have expressed their doubts and dissatisfaction with the plan.

“I don’t understand why we need to wear foil hats. I think they look ridiculous and uncomfortable,” said Abdullah, a shopkeeper in Riyadh.

“I think this is a waste of money and resources. We should invest in more sustainable and innovative sectors like renewable energy and technology,” said Fatima, a student in Jeddah.

Some social media users have also mocked and criticized the plan with comments, hashtags, and mentions.

“@KingSalman: Proud to announce our new initiative to export foil hats to the world. #Vision2030 #FoilOnFleek”

“@Ali: @KingSalman Are you kidding me? This is the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard. #Facepalm #FoilFail”

“@Sarah: @KingSalman How about you stop oppressing women and let them drive instead? #FreeSaudiWomen #FoilOff”

“@Mohammed: @KingSalman I’m sorry but I’m not buying your conspiracy theories. Foil hats don’t work. #ScienceMatters #FoilFool”

“@KimKardashian: Loving my new foil hat from @SaudiArabia! It’s so shiny and chic! Thank you for sending me one! #Ad #FoilOnFleek”

Oil production is set to decrease at the beginning of July while aluminum production ramps up.

BY BS

The Journalist BS