5/30/2023 Auckland – Air New Zealand has announced that it will weigh all international passengers before they board their flights, in order to gather data on the weight load and distribution of their planes. The airline claims that this is now a standard procedure that is required by the Civil Aviation Authority of New Zealand, and that it will help them optimize their fuel efficiency and reduce their carbon emissions.
However, not everyone is convinced that this is the real reason behind the airline’s decision to collect weight data. Some passengers have expressed their outrage, suspicion, and disbelief at being asked to step on a scale in front of other travelers, and have accused the airline of being insensitive, intrusive, and discriminatory.
“I think it’s a violation of privacy and human dignity,” said one passenger, who wished to remain anonymous. “They are basically treating us like cattle, or worse, like luggage. What if they charge us extra for being overweight? Or what if they deny us boarding if we don’t fit their criteria?”
Another passenger, who also preferred not to be named, said that he had a different theory about why the airline was weighing people. “I think they are secretly collecting data for some nefarious purpose,” he said. “Maybe they are selling it to insurance companies, or health agencies, or even the government. Maybe they are using it to create a database of potential organ donors, or human guinea pigs for experiments. You never know what they are up to.”
His spouse agreed and took the conspiracy theory a little further, “I don’t trust them at all. They’re probably injecting us with microchips or nanobots when they weigh us, so they can monitor our every move and make us sick or fat whenever they want. It’s all part of the New World Order agenda. They want to reduce the human population by 90%, and they’re using airlines as their agents. That’s why I always wear a tin foil hat when I fly,” she said.
Some passengers have also shared their funny and awkward stories of being weighed by the airline staff. One passenger said that he tried to cheat the system by wearing lighter clothes and only emptying his pockets but was caught red-handed by a vigilant employee. “He asked me to take off my shoes, my belt, my watch, and even my glasses,” he said. “He said he had to weigh everything that I was carrying on me. I felt like I was being stripped naked in public.”
Another passenger said that she had a heated argument with an employee who insisted on weighing her handbag as well. “She said that my handbag was part of my personal items, and that it had to be weighed too,” she said. “I told her that there was no way I was going to let her weigh my handbag, because it had my personal and confidential stuff in it. She said that she didn’t care what was in it, and that she had to follow the rules. We ended up having a tug-of-war over my handbag, until she finally gave up and let me go.”
However, the most bizarre case was that of a young man who tried to run onto the plane without being weighed, only to be tackled by security guards and dragged back to the scale.
“I just wanted to save some time and hassle,” he explained. “I thought I could just sneak past them and get on the plane. I didn’t think they would care so much about a few kilos.”
The airline’s decision to weigh passengers has also sparked a lot of comments on social media. Some users have posted memes and jokes about the situation:
- @KiwiFlyer: Air New Zealand weighs passengers before boarding. In other news, water is wet and grass is green.
- @FatBoySlim: I’m flying with Air New Zealand next week. Should I go on a diet or buy a bigger suitcase?
- @TravelBug: Air New Zealand should weigh their planes instead of their passengers. They’re probably overloaded with all the baggage fees they charge.
- @FunnyGirl: I wonder if Air New Zealand will weigh my emotional baggage too. It’s pretty heavy.
Air New Zealand has reiterated that its intention to weigh passengers is purely for safety and environmental reasons, and that it has no ulterior motives or hidden agendas. The airline has also assured its customers that the weight data will be collected anonymously and confidentially, and that it will not affect their fares or services.
“We are not trying to embarrass or offend anyone,” said a spokesperson for the airline. “We are just trying to do our part in reducing our carbon footprint and making our flights more efficient and comfortable for everyone.”
Photo Credit: Microsoft Chat AI
The Journalist BS 
Leave a comment