5/25/2023 Kabul – In a groundbreaking move, Afghanistan’s Taliban has announced that all floggings will now be carried out with a wet noodle instead of the traditional whip. The decision comes after the United Nations urged the Taliban to end the practice of flogging altogether.

“Starting today, we will no longer use whips to punish offenders,” said Taliban spokesperson, Abdul Rahman. “Instead, we will be using a wet noodle to discipline those who violate our laws.”

The move has been met with mixed reactions, with some praising the Taliban for taking a step towards a more humane approach to punishment, while others are skeptical about the effectiveness of a wet noodle.

In addition to the change in punishment, the Taliban has also announced that executions will be replaced with celebrations of individuality. “We believe that every person is unique and has something special to offer the world,” said Rahman. “Instead of taking lives, we will now be celebrating them.”

The new approach to punishment has caused confusion among some members of the Taliban, with many questioning how the wet noodle will be used in practice. “I’m not sure how we’re supposed to use a wet noodle to discipline someone,” said Taliban member, Mohammad Khan. “I guess we’ll have to figure it out as we go along.”

Despite the uncertainty, the Taliban remains committed to their new approach to punishment, which they say is in line with their vision for a more compassionate society.

“We want to show the world that we are not the brutal regime that we were once perceived to be,” said Rahman. “We are a new Taliban, and we are committed to creating a better future for our people.”

By Akiva

The Journalist BS

Photo Credit: Craiyon AI