5/24/2023 Coolin, ID – The fire chief of a small town in Idaho has been reprimanded by the mayor for posting a survey on the town’s Facebook page, asking residents what kind of side gigs the firefighters could do for extra money. The survey, which was quickly deleted, sparked outrage and amusement among the locals, who wondered why the fire department was so desperate for cash.

According to the fire chief, Ted Whicker, the survey was meant as a joke and a way to cope with the boredom of his staff, who have not had to deal with any major fires or emergencies in months. “We’re just sitting around here, playing cards and watching Netflix. We thought it would be fun to see what other skills we have and maybe make some extra bucks on the side,” he said.

Some of the survey’s suggested side gigs included:

• Dog walking: “We have a lot of hoses and ladders, so we can handle any size or breed of dog. Plus, we’re used to dealing with hot situations, so we can keep your pooch cool and hydrated.”
• Babysitting: “We’re great with kids. We can teach them fire safety, play games with them, and put out any fires they might start. We also have a lot of helmets and jackets, so they can dress up as firefighters.”
• Landscaping: “We have a lot of tools and equipment, so we can mow your lawn, trim your hedges, and water your plants. We can also create fire breaks and clear any brush that might pose a fire hazard.”
• Catering: “We have a lot of experience cooking for large groups of hungry people. We can whip up anything from burgers and hot dogs to chili and stew. We can also bring our own fire truck and hose to spray down any spills or messes.”

The survey also asked residents to rate the firefighters’ attractiveness and availability for dates, which caused further controversy and backlash. Some of the comments from the citizens wer mixed:

• This is ridiculous and unprofessional. How can we trust these guys to protect us if they’re more interested in making money and finding dates? They should be ashamed of themselves.”
• This is hilarious and awesome. I love these guys. They’re always friendly and helpful, and they deserve some fun and recognition. I would totally hire them for any of these side gigs, especially the babysitting one…and a date too? Sure, why not?”
• This is offensive and sexist. How dare they objectify themselves and ask us to rate their looks? They should respect themselves and their profession more. They’re not here to entertain us or please us.”

The mayor of the town, Luke “Cool Hand” McNown, who was not amused by the survey, issued a statement condemning Whicker’s actions and ordering him to apologize to the public and his staff. McNown also warned him that any further attempts to solicit side gigs or dates from the residents would result in disciplinary action or termination.

The statement read: “Ted Whicker’s survey was inappropriate and unacceptable. It violated the code of conduct and ethics of our fire department and our town. It also damaged the reputation and credibility of our firefighters, who are dedicated and hardworking professionals who risk their lives every day to keep us safe. I have reprimanded Whicker for his poor judgment and lack of leadership, and I have ordered him to apologize to his staff and to our community. I have also instructed him to refrain from any similar activities in the future, or he will face serious consequences.”

Whicker said he regretted his mistake and hoped to regain the trust and respect of the community. He also said he would try to find more productive and appropriate ways to keep his staff busy and motivated.

“I’m sorry for what I did. It was a stupid prank that went too far. I didn’t mean to offend anyone or disrespect my staff or my profession. I was just trying to lighten up the mood and have some fun with my team, who have been bored out of their minds lately. I know that’s no excuse, and I take full responsibility for my actions. I hope you can forgive me and give me another chance,” Whicker’s statement read.

The survey, however, did not go unnoticed by social media users, who shared screenshots of it and made jokes and memes about it.

“Wow, these firefighters are so bored they’re looking for side gigs. Maybe they should try fighting some fires instead. Oh wait, there are no fires in this town because it’s so dull and dry.” – @OnTheHotSeat

“I’m glad these firefighters are finding new ways to use their skills and talents. Maybe they can start a band or a podcast next. Or maybe they can write a book or a movie about their adventures as bored firefighters.” – @FireDud

“I’m so impressed by these firefighters’ versatility and creativity. They can do anything from dog walking to catering. They’re like the Swiss Army knives of public service. Maybe they should apply for some other jobs too, like astronauts or spies or superheroes.” – @NewJobRecruiter

The fire fighters at the station confirmed that they were bored and depressed as well. They said that they had resorted to various ways to pass the time, such as playing video games, watching movies, reading books, knitting sweaters, baking cookies, doing yoga, meditating, writing poetry, painting portraits, learning languages, taking online courses, and adopting pets. They also said that they had tried to create some excitement by staging mock fires, setting off fire alarms, making prank calls, and lighting candles.

However, none of these activities satisfied their thirst for action and adventure. They said that they missed the thrill of fighting fires, saving lives, and being heroes. They also said that they felt useless and unappreciated by the community. Perhaps emergencies like children falling into wells, elderly locking themselves out of their houses, or cats getting stuck in trees are just underreported, now. Alternatively things are just going smoothly in Coolin. That’s a nice problem to have.

BY BS

The Journalist BS