5/19/2023 Madison, WI – In a move that seems puzzling to many, Oscar Mayer has announced that it is changing the name of its iconic Wienermobile (since 1936) to the Frankmobile. The company says that the name change is meant to “celebrate the brand’s 100% Beef Franks” and to “encourage people not to take things too seriously.”

The Frankmobile will be making appearances at events all over the country this summer, and its drivers will be handing out coupons for free packages of hot dogs. However, there is one catch: the coupons are only good for people named Frank (or a form of Frank).

This news has not gone over well with everyone. People with the last name Wiener are particularly upset, as they are now ineligible for free hot dogs. “This is discrimination and unfair,” said Richard Wiener, a longtime fan of Oscar Mayer. “I’ve been waiting for years to see the Wienermobile in person and get some freebies. Now they’re telling me I can’t because of my name? That’s ridiculous.”

Others not named Frank took issue with the announcement as well. “This is outrageous and unfair,” tweeted @WienerLover69. “I have been buying Oscar Mayer hot dogs for years and now they are telling me that I can’t get a free coupon because my name is not Frank? What about everyone else?”

Mary Smith, a mother of three added, “This is just another example of how the world is going to hell in a handbasket. I think this is a stupid idea. It’s not like Frank is a common name anyway. Now I can’t even get a free hot dog without having the same name as a wiener?”

Oscar Mayer has also sparked a rivalry with another hot dog brand: Johnsonville. The company has announced that it will launch its own fleet of vehicles called the Johnsonwagons, which will offer a coupon for a free package of “Johnsons” to anyone who visits it regardless of their name.

“We don’t discriminate based on names,” said Johnsonwagon Unit Head Miles Johnson. “We welcome everyone who loves sausages and wants to try our delicious Johnsons. We have a variety of flavors and sizes to suit every taste and preference.” Johnson said he hopes that people will try his Johnsons and see for themselves how good they are.

Johnson took an additional jab at Oscar Mayer, saying that their name change was a desperate attempt to hide their inferior quality and lack of innovation. “They can call their vehicle whatever they want, but they can’t hide the fact that their wieners are bland and boring,” he said. “They are just trying to distract people from their mediocre products with gimmicks and stunts. Our Johnsons are superior in every way: they are juicier, tastier, and bigger than their Franks.”

Johnson’s remarks did not go unnoticed by Oscar Mayer fans, who defended their favorite brand and criticized Johnsonville’s products and promotion. “Johnsonville is just jealous of Oscar Mayer’s success and popularity,” tweeted @FrankTheTank. “Their sausages are nothing but greasy and salty meat tubes that make you sick. Their Johnsonwagon is a pathetic copycat of the Frankmobile.”

“Johnsonville is being rude and disrespectful to Oscar Mayer and its customers,” posted @FrankieTheFreak on TikTok. “Their Johnsons are not even real sausages, they are just processed meat scraps that they shape into phallic forms. Their Johnsonwagon is an obscene and vulgar display of bad taste.”

The rivalry between Oscar Mayer and Johnsonville sparked a heated debate on social media, with fans of both brands taking sides and exchanging insults and memes. Some users have also made jokes and puns about the names of the vehicles and the products:

“Frankly, I prefer Johnsons” – @JohnsonLover

“Don’t be a wiener, be a frank” – @SupportFrankMobile

“What’s the difference between a Johnsonwagon and a Wienermobile? A Johnsonwagon is bigger and has more wieners.” – @NoFreeLunches

“Why did the Frankmobile get pulled over? It was driving with its wiener out.” – @ThatSausageGuy

“What’s the best thing about driving a Johnsonwagon? You always have a Johnson in hand.” – @YankingMyChain

Whether you are in favor of the “Johnsonwagon” or “Frankmobile”, I think most people would agree that we don’t care about names or brands as long as the hot dogs are cheap and edible. If you are looking for a free package of dogs this Summer, check out both fleets’ locations and events coming near you on their respective websites.

BY BS

The Journalist BS