5/17/2023 Geneva – The World Health Organization (WHO) has declared an end to the global pandemic that has claimed millions of lives and disrupted economies and societies for three years. In a press conference held today, WHO director-general, Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, praised the efforts of health workers, scientists, governments and civil society in handling the challenges of the virus and developing effective vaccines and treatments across the globe.
During the conference, the WHO announced the creation of a new committee called WHAT, which stands for World Health Action Team. According to the WHO, WHAT will be responsible for monitoring and responding to any future outbreaks of infectious diseases that could pose a threat to global health security. The WHO said that WHAT will have more resources, authority, and autonomy than the existing emergency programs and will work closely with other international partners and stakeholders.
The announcement of WHAT was met with mixed reactions from the public and the media. Some praised the WHO for taking proactive steps to prevent another pandemic, while others criticized the WHO for creating more bureaucracy and confusion as evidenced by the following transcript from the press conference:
Reporter: So, who announced an end to the global Covid pandemic?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: WHO did.
Reporter: That’s what I’m asking you. Who did it?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: Yes, WHO did it.
Reporter: You did it?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: No, WHO did it.
Reporter: Right. I’m asking who made the announcement?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: WHO made the announcement.
Reporter (sighs): Would you please just tell me who was the person or organization announcing the end of the pandemic?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: WHO.
Reporter: That’s what I want to know!
Dr. Ghebreyesus: WHO did!
Reporter: Stop shouting at me! Just tell me who ended the pandemic!
Dr. Ghebreyesus: I’m not shouting at you! I’m telling you we ended the pandemic!
Reporter: You did?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: Yes, we did.
Reporter: Who did?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: We did.
Reporter: You did what?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: Yes, we did WHAT as well.
Reporter: Wait,what?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: That’s right. We learned a lot from the COVID pandemic and have formed a new group to handle any future outbreaks.
Reporter: Right. But what is this new group?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: Yes, that’s right. WHAT.
Reporter: No. That’s what I’m asking.
Dr. Ghebreyesus: It’s WHAT.
Reporter: What’s what?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: WHAT is the name of the group.
Reporter: Okay. Why are you asking me? Will you please just tell me what the name of the group is?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: WHAT.
Reporter: Let me be clear. I’m asking what is the group’s name?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: Right, but I’ve given you the answer. WHAT is the name of the group!
Reporter: But, I’m asking you that! Quit switching it around on me! So, what is it?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: It’s WHAT!
Reporter: Stop saying that! Just tell me what!
Dr. Ghebreyesus: I am telling you what!
Reporter: You’re not telling me anything!
Dr. Ghebreyesus: I’m telling you everything!
Reporter: You’re telling me nothing!
Dr. Ghebreyesus: I’m telling you what! World Health Action Team!
Reporter: What?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: WHAT!
Reporter: Forget it! Let’s move on. How is this new group going to handle the next pandemic?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: Well, they have a plan and they are ready to act.
Reporter: Oh, really? And what is their plan?
Dr. Ghebreyesus: Their plan is to do whatever it takes to stop the virus from spreading.
Reporter: And what is that?
Dr. Ghebreyesus (sighs): Look, we’ll share details as the committee progresses. For now, it’s very simple. WHAT will handle the next pandemic.
Reporter (confused): What will handle the next pandemic?
Dr. Ghebreyesus (annoyed): Yes, WHAT will handle the next pandemic.
Reporter (still confused): What will handle the next pandemic?!
Dr. Ghebreyesus (angry): YES, WHAT WILL HANDLE THE NEXT PANDEMIC!!!
While it is clear many questions and confusion still remain. Social media was quick to chime in:
- “Who’s that reporter? Who’s on first? #AbbottAndCostello #askingforafriend” – @funnyguy
- “I guess he didn’t get the memo. Who let this guy on TV? #FireHim” – @sassygirl
- “Who needs a brain when you have a microphone? #DumbReporter” – @brainfart
- “I love this reporter! He’s hilarious! #whorocks” – @whofan
- “This is why we need better education and journalism. This guy is an embarrassment to humanity. #journalism101” – @JournalismHero
- “The WHAT committee? That’s a great name. It’s like they’re saying, ‘We have no idea what we’re doing.’ #pandemicfail” – @WhatIsTheName
The WHAT committee will be led by Dr. Ghebreyesus of the WHO and expected to begin its work immediately. The WHO has said that the WHAT task force will be “a critical tool” in the organization’s efforts to prevent future pandemics. When quizzed on who specifically would be on the council, Ghebreyesus responded, “I don’t know”.
The Journalist BS 
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