5/10/2023 Tallahassee, FL – In a stunning move, the Florida legislature passed a bill on Tuesday that would create a new position of President of Florida and grant it to Governor Ron DeSantis. The bill, which was sponsored by Republican lawmakers and passed along party lines, would give DeSantis unprecedented powers and autonomy over the state, effectively making him the leader of a sovereign nation within the United States.

The bill’s supporters argued that DeSantis deserved the honor and recognition for his outstanding leadership during the COVID-19 pandemic, his defense of freedom and liberty against federal overreach, and his promotion of Florida’s economy and tourism. They also claimed that the bill would protect Florida from the “radical socialist agenda” of President Joe Biden and the Democratic Party.

The bill’s opponents, however, denounced it as a blatant power grab and a violation of the U.S. Constitution. They accused DeSantis and his allies of trying to create a dictatorship and a cult of personality, and warned that the bill would isolate Florida from the rest of the country and the world. They also mocked the idea of DeSantis being worthy of such a title, pointing out his mishandling of the pandemic, his disregard for science and public health, and his involvement in various scandals and controversies.

“Are you kidding me? This is the most ridiculous and dangerous thing I have ever seen in my life,” said Democratic Senator Shevrin Jones. “DeSantis is not a president, he is a wannabe dictator who thinks he can do whatever he wants without any accountability or consequences. He is a threat to democracy and the rule of law, and we will not stand for this.”

“This is a joke, right? A bad joke? Please tell me this is a joke,” said Democratic Representative Anna Eskamani. “DeSantis is not a president, he is a clown who has turned Florida into a laughingstock. He is an embarrassment to our state and our nation, and we will not let him get away with this.”

The bill now awaits DeSantis’ signature, which is expected to be swift and enthusiastic. DeSantis has already expressed his gratitude and excitement for the bill, calling it a “historic moment” and a “great honor” for him and for Florida.

“I am humbled and honored by this incredible gesture from our legislature,” DeSantis said in a statement. “This bill recognizes the exceptional work we have done in Florida to protect our people, our rights, and our economy from the tyranny of Washington. As President of Florida, I will continue to lead the nation of Florida with courage and conviction, and make sure that Florida remains the freest and most prosperous nation in the union.”

DeSantis also said that he plans to hold a lavish inauguration ceremony at the Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach, where he will be sworn in by former President Donald Trump, who he called his “mentor and friend”. He also said that he will invite several foreign leaders to attend the event, including Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, Jair Bolsonaro, and Rodrigo Duterte.

“I look forward to celebrating this historic occasion with my fellow Floridians and my esteemed guests from around the world,” DeSantis said. “Together, we will keep Florida great.”

While the move has raised eyebrows among some Floridians, it’s clear that the Governor has the full backing of his party. And who knows? If he plays his cards right, he could be the next President of Disney too.

By Akiva

The Journalist BS

Photo Credit: Craiyon AI