5/7/2023 Louisville, KY – Yesterday in an effort to make the Kentucky Derby a more family-friendly event, a group of church ladies designated the infield as an “alcohol-free” and “no bare chests” zone. They decided something had to be done to curb the rowdy behavior that has been associated with the infield in recent years.

According to the church ladies, the infield was getting more and more out of hand. They were concerned that the drunken revelry and inappropriate behavior was making the Kentucky Derby an event not suitable for families.

“We wanted to create an environment where people can come and enjoy the Kentucky Derby without worrying about getting drunk or seeing things that are inappropriate,” said one of the church ladies.

To enforce their rules, the church ladies enlisted the help of security personnel who patrolled the infield throughout the event. They warned anyone who violated their rules would be removed from the infield.

However, they were met with fierce resistance from the other infield spectators, who were not willing to give up their traditions of enjoying the race. Some of them carried signs that read “Prude is Rude”, “Cruise With Booze”, and “Jesus Loves Mint Juleps”. They also threw beer cans, plastic cups, and horseshoes at the church ladies, who responded by spraying holy water and throwing Bibles at them.

Attempting to make the infield an “alcohol-free” and “no bare chests” zone has been met with mixed reactions from the public. Some people have praised the church ladies for their efforts to make the Kentucky Derby a more family-friendly event.

“I think this is a great idea,” said one person. “The Kentucky Derby should be an event that is suitable for families.”

However, others have criticized the ladies, arguing that the infield is meant to be a place where people can let loose and have a good time.

“This is ridiculous,” said one person. “The Kentucky Derby is supposed to be a party. Why are we trying to turn it into a church picnic?”

Despite the criticism, the church ladies are standing by their actions. They have stated that they are committed to making the Kentucky Derby a more family-friendly event and they believe that new rules would help achieve that goal.

The planning committee for the Kentucky Derby issued a statement regarding yesterday’s event. “We want everyone to be able to enjoy the Kentucky Derby,” stated Debra Thornton, spokesperson for the committee. “That includes revelers and church ladies alike.”

The debate over the church ladies’ actions is likely to continue for some time. Perhaps one day we’ll see a ban on dancing, cheering, and smoking as well? Or, maybe change the event name to “Kentucky Family Fun Day”? One thing is for sure, though: the church ladies have certainly made their presence known at the Kentucky Derby.

By Akiva

The Journalist BS

Photo Credit: Microsoft Chat AI