04/29/2023 – Doylestown, PA

A local neighborhood was evacuated this morning due to a suspicious odor that alarmed the residents. The putrid stench, described as chalky or earthy, started around 9am and quickly spread throughout the area. One resident, who wished to remain anonymous, said he was so concerned that he called the EPA and the local health department for advice. “It smelled like something was rotting in the sewers. I thought maybe there was a gas leak or a chemical spill or something,” he said.

The health department sent a team of investigators to the scene and discovered the source of the odor: a city worker was injecting lime into the neighborhood’s sewer line to reduce high acidic levels. According to the city officials, the sewage line had been showing signs of corrosion due to the high acidity of the wastewater. They blamed the typical American diet, which consists of meat and dairy products, for causing the problem.

“The average American consumes about 250 pounds of meat and dairy products per year,” said city spokesperson, John O’Brien.  ”This high-protein diet is very acidic, and it’s starting to take a toll on our sewer system. And, about 65% of the world’s population is lactose intolerant,” said O’Brien. “When lactose intolerant people eat dairy products, their bodies can’t break down the lactose, which leads to gas, bloating, and diarrhea.  The end result is more acid in their waste, which affects the pH balance of the sewage line,” O’Brien stated.

He also noted that injecting lime was a common practice to neutralize the acidity and prevent further damage to the pipes. However, he admitted they did not anticipate the strong odor that would result from the reaction between lime and sewage. ”We apologize for any inconvenience or discomfort we may have caused the residents. We hope that they understand that we are doing this for their own benefit,” he said.

The locals, however, were not satisfied by the explanation. Some of them expressed their frustration and anger at the city for not informing them beforehand.

”I’m not sure what was worse, the smell or the fact that I had to share a hotel room with my in-laws,” an anonymous resident stated.

“This is unacceptable. How can they do this without telling us? We have kids and pets here. We can’t just leave our homes like this,” said another.

“This is like something out of Christmas Vacation. Except this is worse because it smells like death,” one house’s occupant stated. “I’m half expecting Cousin Eddie to show up with a manure spreader.”

“I’m not sure what was worse, the smell or the fact that I had to wear a mask to go outside,” a fourth citizen added.

“I’ll be glad when this is over. I can’t wait to go home and take a long, hot shower. And then I’m going to burn my clothes,” said one resident.

The health department advised the residents to stay away from their homes until the odor dissipates, which could take several hours or days depending on the weather conditions. They also suggested some tips on how to deal with the bad smell, such as wearing masks, using air fresheners, or burning candles. They also recommended that the residents switch to a diet high in fruits and vegetables.

“Eating more plant-based foods can help improve your digestion and lower your acid levels. Fruits and vegetables are much less acidic than meat and dairy products,” said one health official. “If everyone in the neighborhood switched to a high-fiber diet, it would help to neutralize the acidity in our sewer system and prevent future lime injections.  It’s good for your health and for the environment,” the health official added.

City officials asked residents to be patient as they worked through the neighborhood.