4/23/2023 – Miami, FL

By Mavis Burns

Pensacola resident Mark Johnson has made a bold claim: he doesn’t need a map to navigate the streets of Miami because he’s played over 1000 hours of Grand Theft Auto Vice City. Despite his claim, Johnson found himself lost in the city’s bustling streets and ended up getting more than he bargained for.
 
Johnson, who has never been to Miami before, said he felt confident in his ability to navigate the city thanks to his countless hours playing the popular video game. “I know Vice City like the back of my hand,” he boasted.
 
However, things quickly took a turn for the worse when Johnson found himself in unfamiliar territory. “I thought I knew where I was going, but the streets all started to look the same,” he admitted. “Before I knew it, I was completely lost.”
 
Luckily for Johnson, he stumbled upon a small Cuban restaurant and decided to stop for a bite to eat. “I figured if I can’t find my way around Miami, I might as well enjoy some authentic Cuban cuisine,” he said.
 
After enjoying his meal, Johnson returned to his car only to find it had been stripped of its wheels and stereo. “I guess I should have stuck to the virtual world,” he lamented.
 
As for his next move, Johnson said he plans to use Waze and leave the virtual world behind. “I learned my lesson,” he said. “Next time I’ll stick to the real world and let the video games stay on the screen where they belong.”