4/22/2023 – Antwerp, BE

Belgium has announced that it will destroy all bottles of Miller High Life beer found in the country, as part of a campaign to protect the reputation of champagne. The move comes after the Comité Champagne, the trade association that represents the interests of champagne producers, filed a complaint against the American brewer for using the slogan “Champagne of Beers” on its labels.

The Belgian government said that it was acting in solidarity with its French neighbors and allies, and that it would not tolerate any infringement on the prestigious name of champagne. “We cannot allow this cheap imitation to tarnish the image of one of the finest products of Europe,” said a spokesperson for the Ministry of Agriculture. “Miller High Life is not even a beer, it is a fizzy yellow water that tastes like urine.”

The decision has sparked outrage among some Belgian citizens, who accused their government of wasting resources and infringing on their freedom of choice. “This is ridiculous. I like Miller High Life. It is refreshing and affordable. And it has a nice bottle,” said one man, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of reprisal. “Who cares if they call it Champagne of Beers? It is obviously a joke. Nobody in their right mind would confuse it with real champagne.”

The Comité Champagne, however, applauded the Belgian initiative and urged other countries to follow suit. “We are very grateful to Belgium for taking this bold step to defend the integrity and quality of champagne,” said a spokesperson for the organization. “Miller High Life is an insult to our heritage and our craftsmanship. It is not even worthy of being called beer, let alone champagne. It is a disgrace to both beverages.”