4/20/2023 – New York City, NY

New York City Mayor Eric Adams has announced the creation of a new position in his administration: the Pigeon Czar. The Pigeon Czar will be responsible for overseeing the city’s efforts to reduce the population and nuisance of pigeons, which have been plaguing the streets and sidewalks with their droppings and cooing.

The Pigeon Czar will have a budget of $10 million and a staff of 50 to implement various strategies, such as trapping, relocating, sterilizing, or even euthanizing the birds. The Pigeon Czar will also work with other agencies and organizations to educate the public about the dangers and damages of feeding pigeons, and to enforce fines for those who do so.

Mayor Adams said that he decided to appoint a Pigeon Czar after receiving numerous complaints from residents and businesses about the pigeon problem. “Pigeons are not only a nuisance, but also a health hazard. They carry diseases, damage property, and create a mess. We need to take action now to restore the beauty and cleanliness of our city,” he said.

The Pigeon Czar will be none other than Alan Jordaan, a pigeon fancier who claims to have a special bond with the birds. Jordaan said that he is honored and excited to take on this challenge. “I love pigeons. They are smart, loyal, and beautiful creatures. But I also understand that they need to be controlled and managed for the sake of everyone. I will do my best to find humane and effective solutions to this issue,” he said.

However, not everyone is happy with the mayor’s decision. Some animal rights activists have criticized the move as cruel and unnecessary. They argue that pigeons are part of the city’s ecosystem and culture, and that they should be respected and protected. They also question the qualifications and motives of Jordaan, who they accuse of being a traitor to his feathered friends.

Others have mocked the mayor for wasting money and resources on a trivial matter. They say that there are more pressing issues facing the city, such as crime, homelessness, and COVID-19. They also doubt that the Pigeon Czar will have any significant impact on the pigeon population or behavior.

One observer commented: “Wow, what a brilliant idea. A Pigeon Czar. That’s exactly what we need in this city. Maybe next he’ll appoint an Ant King or a Cockroach Queen. I can’t wait to see how this turns out.”