4/19/2023 – Reedy Creek, FL

In a shocking move, Florida Governor Ron Desantis announced today that he is launching a military campaign to take over the Walt Disney World Resort, claiming that it belongs to the state of Florida and not to the “evil mouse empire”. Desantis said that he has been secretly building a base in Reedy Creek, a swampy area near the resort, and that he has amassed a loyal army of alligators, pythons, and mosquitoes to fight for his cause.

Desantis accused Disney of being a “tyrannical corporation” that exploits its workers, brainwashes its guests, and spreads “liberal propaganda” through its movies and shows. He said that he plans to liberate the resort from Disney’s control and turn it into a “patriotic paradise” where people can enjoy “real American values” such as freedom, guns, and COVID-19.

Disney executives reacted with disbelief and mockery to Desantis’ announcement. Bob Iger, the CEO of Disney, said that Desantis is “delusional” and that he has no legal or moral right to invade Disney property. He also said that Desantis’ army of swamp creatures is no match for Disney’s security forces, which include stormtroopers, pirates, and animatronic dinosaurs. Iger added that he is confident that Desantis will soon be defeated and sent back to his “swampy lair”.

Meanwhile, Disney guests and fans expressed mixed feelings about Desantis’ attack. Some said that they are scared and angry that their vacation plans are ruined by a “crazy politician”. Others said that they are excited and curious to see what will happen next. Some even said that they are rooting for Desantis, hoping that he will bring some “much-needed change” to Disney. One guest said that he hopes that Desantis will replace Cinderella Castle with a giant statue of himself.